Discipline and Love - Patricia Manning 4.21.2016

One of my favorite books is The Road Less Traveled written by M. Scott Peck. The author, a clinical psychologist, writes about facing the problems of life and overcoming them. He calls it, “experiencing the pain of problems constructively”. To do that he says four types of discipline are required: delaying of gratification, acceptance of responsibility, dedication to truth and balancing. By these four aspects of self-discipline, the suffering inherent to life is confronted rather than avoided. Suffering, by the way, is a good thing. As Christians, we must share in the sufferings of Christ before we can share in His glory. Rom 8:17: and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

Of particular interest to me in The Road Less Traveled, is the vital role played by parents in the mental health of children. Peck states that children with good parents will begin practicing each of these four mental disciplines by the age of ten. For example, delayed gratification is the practice of doing the worst task or eating the bad-tasting stuff first, thereby saving the best for last, but parents who are undisciplined by example, often raise kids who lack the ability to delay gratification. Acceptance of responsibility means that when a problem arises you must accept that it is yours to solve. Peck says, “You cannot solve a problem except by solving it.” On the other hand, he also states that determining just what in this life is our responsibility and what is not “is one of the greatest problems of human existence”. It requires continual self-examination and maturity to see what our responsibilities are. Parents have the vital role of helping children see where they are blaming someone else for something that is their responsibility (like being ready for school on time) or conversely, taking blame for something that is not their fault (like a parent with an alcohol addiction). The third mental discipline, dedication to truth, requires a constant input of truth or reality. This is followed by a comparison to our own belief system and updating when needed. Dr. Peck calls this belief system our mental “map” which leads us to make choices in life. God tells parents that they must constantly instruct children in the way of truth. Deut. 6:7: You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when

you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

According to Dr. Peck, parents have almost godlike status in their children’s lives. This is perhaps why God tells us that he is our Father: Rom 8:15: For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father’! To a much less extent, he is also portrayed like a mother: Isa 66:13: As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you; you shall be comforted in Jerusalem. I believe God has made a world that includes an extended period of parenting, to teach us about Himself as the perfect parent. He teaches us delayed gratification (suffering now, glory later), and acceptance of responsibility (choose life). He

is dedicated to the truth and everyone is admonished to acquire knowledge of the truth from scripture. Finally, the fourth self-discipline, “balance,” is the ability to know when to quit, how much to say, basically how to respond correctly in any situation. I believe in the Bible this idea of balance is called wisdom – the right application of the law. The balance that comes from wisdom is incredibly valuable in God’s eyes. We are encouraged to highly regard both wisdom and truth (understanding). Pro 3:13-18: Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding...Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her; those who hold her fast are called blessed.

Discipline, however, is not an end in itself. In The Road Less Traveled, the author finally brings us to his conclusion that for the four aspects of self-discipline, the motivation is love. I agree. God teaches us delayed gratification, responsibility, truth and balance because he loves us. We are examples of discipline to others and for our children because we love them. If we practice self- discipline privately, we love ourselves – a good thing. If you were thinking, “who cares about discipline,” here’s the answer. The point is love. When all else disappears, love will remain (1Co 13:13: So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.), and discipline and love walk hand in hand. As you know, problems often pop up before the Passover season arrives. This year let’s embrace the pain of those problems constructively!

Happy suffering